They're here!

So everyone's arrived! With the exception of my beautiful baby boy...who has decided to stick around out of the spotlight for a wee bit longer. While I'm COMPLETELY impatient about it, and can't wait to hold him in my arms, watch my husband hold him, and my dad too....(not to mention the high level of uncomfortability..) I'm ok with him taking his time. I am blessed with a healthy baby..he looks great on sonogram and my doctor loves that he's doing the breathing motions already in the womb (smart little guy!) He's healthy and growing and even though I'm slightly uncomfortable I couldn't ask for more.

Yeah...I am ok with him taking his time. We've been waiting for this moment for SO long...him to be here. We're days away, possibly a week and a half at most, and I feel like I can wait a little longer. I love laying in bed and feeling him roll around in there, (with the small amount of room that's left) love to feel his little elbows, feet, arms and back roll around. It shows me how strong he is! And I know he will be.

I wonder about the kind of parent I will be...I had a minor panic attack about it the other night, and I just wonder..will I be the overconcerned mom...the lax let it happen if it's gonna happen mom....or the mom that hovers. I don't want to be that mom. The mom that hovers and doesn't let her son grow and learn and triumph...and fail. Because everyone fails in life at some point. Not like Epic Failure. But I want to be the mom who is prepared to let him fall off his bike and get boo boo's, climb chain link fences like I did as a toddler (not joking), build tree houses with friends, and get hurt. And by hurt I don't mean serious injuries...but I have learned much in my life by my failures and "hurts"...and the knowledge that I gained is something I wouldn't give back ever. It sucked completely to hit bottom or to make that huge error that ended up costing me a lot..but the climb back to the middle (not the top because even now, I'm still growing), that climb to the middle was hard and ever time I had to start over...it went faster and I learned so much about myself in each life journey. I want to be the parent who will be there for him when he needs me, and when he doesn't....

One of the things I love about my new family is the comfort I feel in them. His mom is just this amazing person who I already love! She's been this supportive figure from day one. And I can't even tell you how nice it is to have one more adult woman figure in my life who will give me advice on how to be the best mom I can be! His dad is a great father and good man. I see a lot of Jake in him, and I can't wait to see Tyler in them both. His sister is strong and smart and beautiful and a great mom to her little tyke. I'm so blessed to become a part of this family. And that's not even all of them. His brother arrives on friday and if what I've been a part of so far is any similar, I know I'm going to love him too!

My dad...seeing him at the airport today made me cry. I'm still daddy's little girl, at 28 and living so far away. It's been 5 years since I've seen him. And regretfully...we've grown apart over that time. (One of those "hurts") But I've been pushing to connect with him and he's here for Tyler's birth, (hopefully Tyler realizes that grandpa needs to be on the plane on monday @ 6 am hehe). I can't believe he flew out! It was the best feeling to see him...and he's meeting and the in laws for the first time ( just like me) and love it. I'm so glad he's getting to be a part of this big event in my life.

Yeah...I'm content to wait for a little bit longer. A huge part of me is going "Liar Liar pants on fire!!!" inside...and it's true, I can't wait to hold him and love him with hugs and kisses and share this beautiful thing that Jake and I made. But the rest of me is saying....God has plans for you...and for your son. He's not ready yet...but he will be soon. Trust God. I don't know what you believe...it's hard for me NOT to believe that there's a God out there who has my best interests at heart (and already planned). I may not always lead by the best example, or do what most Believers would do...but I do believe. And for now I'm content to wait and trust that God's plan is gonna work, and that Tyler's taking his time...and that I can be patient....