Something funny

So I'm 9 months pregnant and in this "delicate" condition....I've managed to somehow attract a non-aggressive form of Road Rage. For those of you who know me, I'm someone who enjoys driving. And this late in my pregnancy, I'm surprised that my husband still lets me. (He's seen the non aggressive road rage in person) Here's a funny little something that happened yesterday that helped quell my road rage and made me cry with laughter.

My good friend Julia and I like having our toes done together. And yesterday was a celebratory day....it was my first day of Maternity leave and we were going to celebrate by having my feet (our feet) decorated...at this point I can't see or touch my feet so I was pretty ok with it. During this amazing time, something happens that makes it IMPERATIVE for us to drive to Roseville (A city outside of Sacramento), something so important, that as soon as our toes were dry, we set off in 4:30 pm traffic to head "down the hill".
**(Sidebar: Let's be clear that Julia has not seen the pregnant road rage, and although it is non violent...it does contain a small [large] amount of yelling, gesturing, and hand waving, all done by me. Needless to say that at first glance, a 9 month pregnant woman doing these things does not instill a vote of confidence in her ability to get you from point A to point B without her going in to labor...[or so I've heard] So upon first experiencing this "phenomenon" one should feel some sympathy for Julia.)**


So we're driving, and some MAN, impossible to believe, is going altogether too many miles under the speed limit. And then some CHICK, again impossible to believe, cuts me off when there is CLEARLY no room for her car to fit between mine and the car in front of us. The yelling has begun. The gesturing soon follows. After that Julia has probably already expected the hand waving. We're coming into Roseville....and seeing as how she was unprepared for the drive in; I started to worry about the drive home. (We hadn't even reached our destination yet).

We finally made it to the Mall, (an overly done structure full of stores with Clothes I can't fit into at the moment) and we're walking around. Julia goes to the store she needs to go to, and then to another store where I discover that my eye makeup skills are COMPLETELY lacking. (Apparently another thing that makes me feel large and whalish is that I can't do my eye makeup like the super cool looking girls at this store.) After this, Julia and I are walking around the mall, and decide that McDonalds is where dinner will be. Especially since I've been craving the fries with too much salt for days...days. (I said it to my husband the night before as he was coming to bed...I think he ignored me in the hopes that I would fall back asleep, and it turns out he was right, because shortly after I don't remember asking for fries.)ANYWAY...We're leaving the mall, and as we approach the Hamster (my car's name), I see something that drives me over the edge. I know the fries should have calmed me down but I'm full of hormones that keep sneaking up on me and unleashing themselves on the world without my knowledge. We are approaching the Hamster, and I see some big man idiot in a Dodge truck has parked his sweet behind SO close to me and my 9 month pregnant belly that I can hardly get in the car. I start, at this point, yelling at no one in general. "Are you kidding me?! How am I supposed to get in my stinking car! What the heck!" I might have said more, but really you get the gist of where I'm going. I was throwing an adult pregnant woman, hormone driven tantrum. A woman and her children are walking towards us, and upon hearing my rant have retreated to the far side of the street in order to not make eye or verbal contact with the lunatic yelling at no one.I finally maneuver myself into the vehicle, still ticked that this guy (and I know it was a guy), has managed to send me over the edge. I'm backing out, and Julia (sweet hilarious Julia), is rolling down her window and unscrewing a bottle of water...I am paying no attention to this, I'm still angry at no name bad parking guy. As we are passing the truck she whips the top of her open bottle of water at the truck and starts yelling, "Who's got your back?!", while splashing the defenseless truck with her bottled water (premium car wash here, friends). All the while, she is also splashing water on the inside of the Hamster, but I didn't notice it until she pointed it out to me minutes later. My mouth had fallen open and I was sitting there, kind of shocked. I pull forward a little more and then the laughter starts and does not stop, in fact I'm laughing about NOW, more than 24 hours later. I laughed so hard I know I cried. And she's saying, "I got it in your car!" I could care less. She attacked the no name bad guy for me with her secret weapon...bottled water. All the while saying, "Who's got your back" and I couldn't stop laughing.

That my friends, is how my road rage was quelled.

So if you find yourself riding in my vehicle and my nostrils start to flair and my voice starts to get octaves louder than it should, say something funny or roll down the window and start splashing things...that oughta do it.