Gerber baby!

Any of you who have seen pictures of our handsome little man will agree that he's adorable! (And if you don't agree...shame on you.) At any rate, we're going to enter him into a Gerber contest, The Gerber Generation Photo Search in a Snapshot. The contest is running for 6 months, with a submittal and voting every month to choose six babies. One of those babies has the chance to win it all. "All" is appearing in a Gerber commercial, as well as a $25,000 college scholarship! Every month, people vote for our Tyler, and if he wins for his month, has a chance at the scholarship and the commercial. This is an awesome way to start his college fund! As well as show everyone out there how friggin adorable our baby boy is! Voting for his cycle doesn't start until October 3rd, and when it opens, you can vote once a day, every day, for the whole month.  I'm counting on you people! The picture below is the one we've submitted, and I am pretty sure it's everything that they are looking for; he's beautiful, happy, healthy, and wearing a HUGE smile! 

Soon we'll be posting the info on where to vote, how often, and for how long. I'll also send out email reminders; wouldn't want ya'll forgetting would I? Let me know if you have any questions! 

In the meantime, just look at his little face?! He's such a blessing, he really is. Jake and I couldn't imagine our lives without him, and are already thinking about baby number 2 (in a year or two, but we already can't wait!)

Thanks everyone!

Shameful, Horrible, Unspeakable

If you've been waiting for a blog; I'm dearly sorry. If you've been hanging in my every breath....again I'm dearly sorry. You new moms know what happened, don't you? Life. Diapers. Formula. Sleep. Crying. Laundry. (Let's be honest, that's become a four letter word.) I had these great ambitions of being a "writer", someone people turned to, to read or just laugh at; kind of an escape for others. I was really hoping that I could keep up with it.  The inspiration behind my new blog? (Way back when?) Well I wanted to have a voice, and I wanted to secretly be like Julie from the movie Julie and Julia; she started a blog that chronicalled her cooking throught the book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". I wanted to BE Julie Powell. Inside I secretly see myself as someone who has something to say. And that people are ENTHRALLED by me. Of course we know this to be just short of untrue (a bit more than short actually). But I want to write, and I want you to read it. More than that, I want to remember to write, and remember that I have something to say.

I have something to say.

In no particular order:

I'm sad that things aren't going the way I want them to in life; I MISS MISS MISS my family. And not just mine..I miss Jake's family as they have become my family. I wish they all lived closer. We just got back from a Vacation visiting all of our families. Grand Rapids MI, Campbell OH, and Pittsburgh, PA. It was a lovely visit and Tyler got to see all of his family....truly special.

Good Ju Ju, Aisle 15

You ever have that positive thought Monday morning, "This is going to be a good week, I'm willing it to be." (or some other idealistic variation)??  I do. All the time. Only I replace the word week with day, because a couple of bad apple doesn't mean the bushel is a total waste.

I love to work. I like knowing that I do something productive and that has meaning. There are days that I feel like I'm doing something productive, but that what I do, doesn't really have much meaning. OR there are days when I feel like EVERYTHING hinders on me, and that I'm doing the job of ten people, and that if I don't finish what I'm doing everything falls apart (we know this not to be true all the time...). Those feelings can be a bit overwhelming. But I still like to work. I do. I'm a worker bee and proud of it. I don't always necessarily want to be Queen Bee, but sometimes I get that itch...and think it would be nice to be the QB.

Well today was that thought....It's going to be a great day, I will it to be so!

Today is my hubby's birthday (yay) and he had to go into work early for work stuff (boo) at like 5 am (extra boo) and his amazingly loud alarm blared away at 4:00 am (double extra boo). But I got up at 6, realized that our teething Tyler had slept through the night and just had that feeling....Today was going to be a good  one. It was crappy out, rainy icky gross, and I hate driving in that weather mostly because every idiot in a fifty mile radius finds me, and hones in on my vehicle...let's see how much she can take before she cracks....but no...today....gonna be a good day. I started it out with Starbucks ("A secret love affair with Soy Chai Latte's with no water and whip cream on top" Coming to theaters near you). I'm in line, and think...It's going to be a good day, the line is short, and Tyler's in the back seat jabbering away about Tupperware. (at least I like to think it's as interesting as Tupperware). I get up to the very cheerful lady and tell her in my equally if not more so cheerful voice, that I'm paying for the person behind me. Yes. Enter the Ju Ju.

That event was (probably) a catalyst for my good day. (at least I like to think so). I got three compliments on my new shirt (thanks for Ironing honey!) and my boss paid me a compliment about something I didn't even think he noticed work wise (and it meant so much to me...because I work darn hard) and then I got free lunch at a restaurant at work, where I got to dine with 2 of my work buddies, and to top it off, I had a fresh positive attitude, and I felt sassy all day. I felt like things were going my way and that my early morning positive ju ju kicked my awesome day into high gear.  I LOVE that feeling. I can't help but think I might have had a good day even if I hadn't done something nice for a complete stranger this morning, but I automatically felt better about myself for being nice to a stranger, with no ulterior motive. And the ju ju feeling....I wish you could bottle that up and sell it at Safeway, next to the sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Don't discount the Ju Ju, even if you are the one making it.

Doing what you say you will do....

Remember when we were little girls (forgive me, gentlemen, if you don't get to relate to this particular memory in my post...)...and we'd start these journals or diaries. "Dear Diary, my goal, my vow. I promise to write in you every day. One year from today you will see my story..my life. And you,  the reader will know I lived." Two months down the road, and you have forgotten all about that beautiful (and costly!?) little black, blue, green book. On to bigger and better things, like Michael Guzman from the 8th grade, who in the end didn't like you, but it seemed like he liked your friend Ellen, but you still kept in touch with him through college....(and incidentally, this would have made for a great journal/diary entry!) That book was supposed to be your mark on the world, even if no one read it but you. Here I sit, almost 15 years after a so called diary period in my life. I actually had a kept a good one one, successfully writing in it for almost a year...maybe more. But it wasn't really a diary for me...more like letters to God about my misdeeds and prayers. You see, back in high school, I was heavily, (and I do mean heavily) involved in my Church. Not that that should be a status of who you are. I was just really into my Church and my youth group, and my friends at youth group. Unfortunately, I also felt like I was into the Faith...and being Faithful became almost a game....I don't know...you always felt like you were trying to be more Faithful or Religious than someone else. I grew out of that thinking, that going to Church, and taking part in the groups, and meetings, and saying the right things...the belief that all those things are what made you a Christian and what made you good to God. When I went to college I learned that it's not those things that make you good for God.....it's the actual Faith you have...and the way you live your life according to that Faith.

Back to my journal....I wrote things in that book I was not proud of...things I had done to friends, that weren't nice. Sure I would sugar coat it, and use one word in place of the real words. I would write things in that book that shamed me. And I couldn't imagine anyone else reading it because those were my private words...my thoughts. My prayers to God. I remember I used to be SOOOO in love with a boy at my Church. And let's be real..I didn't love him...but was a PK (pastor's kid) and he was wayyyy cute...and everyone liked him. To boot..he was younger than me. He liked someone else..my friend...and I was crushed for awhile. But I used to write in that book..I used to pray in that book, to God. Pray to him and say, "Please let me stop liking him...I want to hang out with my friend and he's ALWAYS there..." it was crazy. I was so silly and boy crazy and silly...it's hard to imagine ourselves when are younger...when you think about what you will be like...but I look back on my life and I think about those diaires that we say we're going to finish. I finished mine. I feel like I wrote and wrote and wrote...and didn't really find any clarity or anything that revealed itself to me as a learning opportunity. Instead I just had this book that I carted off to college with me. I'd reread it now and again..and think about this boy and my friend..and think about the bad things I'd done. Things I won't reprint here because let's face it, who wants to relive their misdeeds.

When I moved here to California it was sort of an abrupt move. And right before, I was sick. I was sick for awhile. And I moved home from college with all my stuff, including that book. Then I left. I ran away to California to be with my mom and to have her heal me, like only mom's can do. She didn't heal me...but she did take me in until I got my own place. But sure enough, I left that diary, that journal at my dad's house. Shortly after my quickie move to the West Coast...he and my stepmom kind of went through my things and sorted through junk, which most of it was, and got rid of A LOT of stuff. I always ALWAYS wonder if they got their hands on my journal. Sure I wasn't thinking about that book when I went off to California...but I think about it now....did they read it? What did they think of the journal me...as opposed to the real me that didn't talk about what I wrote. Sure this might seem kind of a silly think to write about. But I do think about it...whether or not they read it....or if they saw it for the secret, private thing that I knew it to be.

I guess what I mean is...I did what I said I would do..to my journal. I kept it. I wrote everything in it. Things I wasn't proud of, things I was proud of. And my transition from child to woman is in that book. My belief structure change is in that book. Where I see what I want to be, and who I want to be....I would give anything to get my hands on that...Because sometimes I really miss feeling that faithful about something. Sure..I believe. I have Faith. But when you are younger it was easier to make you feel more ALIVE...more rejuvinated. Because your "cup" was smaller...as an adult my "cup" is bigger, and it takes longer to fill....But thats ok. That's what makes God great...my cup is still pretty big, but these day's it fills up easier because I have more to be thankful for, more to be faithful to.

Forgetful me....

There are days when I forget...no not forget...just don't remember to see. I don't remember to see what an amazing man I am married to. When I met Jake, I was looking for someone who would REALLY REALLY see me...See the fact that I'm not perfect and all I really want is to be seen and loved. See that I have SO much love to give and just want to be loved and seen back. I know it may sound silly, but in the movie "Avatar", there is a line, "I see you"...and as cheesy as it sounds..Jake sees me. He sees my amazingly large imperfections and me at my worst. I try to show others a big persona...someone who has this confidence in herself. Really...I'm just as unsure as everyone else.  "Does this outfit make me look fat?" "My hair looks so stupid today!" "I'm showing a boogie...I can feel it." Things like that run through my head all the time. (Ok not the boogie one)....but Jake sees it and he loves me still. Loves me even more. And we have this amazing son..who sometimes makes me want to pull out my hair...but the rest of the time, I'm in awe. In awe that Jake and I made this amazing, beautiful little person. Yeah...I found all the things I was looking for before I found Jake. He sees the most basic me, and loves me more than I could imagine.

Holy Cannoli!

Here we are! Tyler is 3 months old, and I've posted I think twice since that blessed day. What a slacker!

In my defense..

I have NEVER been more busy than I am now! At one point in my life, I was going to college full time, and working two waitressing jobs at different restaurants....and that doesn't compare. I'm back to work, and have been so since the beginning of Jan. I was THRILLED to go back, and when I say that, it makes me feel like a TERRIBLE mom..but...I was THRILLED to go back! I'm a worker bee. I'm there working...being bee like. I'm used to that, I thrive in that area. In the beginning I wasn't used to being someone's everything. And that's what I am to my little man. I'm his breakfast lunch, dinner, snack, after snack snack, and dessert! I'm his cuddler. I'm his diaper changer. I'm his giggle maker. I'm his entertainment. I'm his tear dryer. I'm his bath maker. I'm his EVERYTHING. For me, it was very difficult to get used to this feeling and I didn't know how to get there comfortably. And I was SCARED. I was not looking forward to Jake going back to work. I was nervous about what would happen if it was just me and him. And it turned out that all the things I was afraid of happening, ended up happening at almost the same time. So I guess that helped me get over it.

I went out to breakfast with my friend Becky almost a month after he was born. My fears were that he would throw a tantrum in the Purple Place because I wasn't feeding him fast enough. Then that I would have to nurse in public. Then that he would throw up on me because that was the event du jour. Thats what he was doing ALL THE TIME.

****(Side Bar)****
Dear Burp Rag Makers,

Bigger, thicker, more absorbant, and less likely to slide off my shoulder during burp time because thats usually what happens with me and lets face it, no one likes the spit up trail that starts at the shoulder and goes to the butt. Correction, the spit up wearer doesn't like that trail, everyone else gets a chuckle.

Thank you

****(Game on)****

Anyway...Back to breakfast. That's exactly what happened. Although he didn't scream, he did fuss and tell me he was hungry. So I nursed him in public, something I just don't want to do. Then he proceeded to throw up on me. Yeah...saw that coming.

My point is that the things I was nervous about happening ended up happening and early on. So I was able to get more comfortable with Tyler at home. I was still nervous about going out in public, but that's a whole different blog.

Well here I am, back at work. And I'm very happy to be back. I missed my friends and I missed the feeling of working at work. I was DEFINITELY working at home, just now it's different. And now I feel like my life has such purpose. I have this beautiful husband..and we have our amazing son. It feels so much like we're on such a great track! And now I want to work on my career. I really have big plans for work and I'm hoping that I'm able to push that arena. I'm still working on doing Product Reviews! I can finally start doing that again, now that we're in a scheduled routine. Tyler's in daycare part time during the day. And then we hang out together at night, baking things, and trying new food recipes. I feel like my life has taken this fulfilling turn. I can't wait to see what pops up next.

Oh yeah...

In the grooove!

Here in the Warren house, we've finally settled into a "routine". I use the term very loosely because that routine is probably going to change when I go to bed tonight. But Tyler's finally figured out that night time is for sleeping, and tends to start napping at like 5pm, when it gets dark outside. That is kind of the downside to the idea that nighttime is for sleeping. I say this because he wakes up 3 or 4 times a night if I let him go to bed that early. So my goal is to try to keep him awake until about 7:30 or 8:30 and then let him try to go down for good....

I know.

I may seem a bit neurotic and completely idealistic about this. But I've found that the Tyler gets a good amount of sleep, and I too seem to get more than I thought possible at this stage if I keep him up just a wee bit longer. We had a pretty good system going where he would go down about 7:30 or 8:30 and then sleep for 7 hours. 7. Hours. He's six weeks old and figuring this out already. Momma like...momma really like.

Then we had the storm.

Sunday night, Jake, Tyler, and I were out running errands and just being productive We decorated our tree and the house for Christmas!

We saw some rain, but no snow or anything that would indicate the next day's events. We woke up at 4:57 to a power outage, and this out our back door.

Now...I live in Northern California. And we don't normally get snow. This picture was taken Monday morning about 8:10 ish from my back porch. There is STILL snow on the ground around our house. Crazy! Needless to say the power outage and subsequent lack of routine for the day totally threw our system into upheaval. Tyler didn't take well to the lack of power, he likes white noise when he naps. (A positive for me, because our vacuum cleaner sounds like a Lear jet taking off...No it really does.)

So instead of our usual morning breakfast and nap at 9:30. We went upstairs and sat with the neighbors all day. We lit a fire in the first place and all of us sat around talking about our kids, and lives and it was quite nice. I got to really get to know my neighbors and their children. I would have preferred to do it with heat, but we all survived.

Last night, he was still kind of off sleeping wise...but tonight he went down at 8:45. Fingers, toes, arms, legs, and any other thing you can cross (not your eyes, you'd look funny!), cross them, because we want to get some sleep tonight!